Civil War Joke-War News

A Richmond woman asked her slave for encouraging news toward the end of the Civil War.

He told her,"Well, Madam, after a day's fighting, them Yankees are retreating forward and we are advancing backward."

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor, edited by James Myers
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The Quaker Debate

Two Quaker women debated on who they thought would win the Civil War.

One said,"Jefferson Davis will win."

"Why?" the other asked.

"Because Davis is a praying man."

"Mr. Lincoln prays too."

"Yes, I know but the Lord will think that Abraham is only joking."
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Civil War Vocabulary

The Civil War troops used the expression to "bring a brick along." The modern-day equivalent is drunk as a skunk.

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor, James Myers
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No Great Loss

When told of the capture of Brigadier General Stoughton at Fairfax, President Lincoln said,"I don't much mind the loss of the brigadier as I do the loss of the horses. I can make a much better brigadier in five minutes, but the horses cost one hundred twenty-five dollars apiece."

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor
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Zinger from Old Abe

Lincoln often had to decide where to put his generals. One of them, John C. Fremont, found himself without a command. Lincoln could not find a suitable army for the man.

The situation reminded him of a father who told his son to take a wife.

The son considered the idea and asked his father,"Which wife shall I take?"

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor, edited by James Myers
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More Civil War Vocabulary

The Confederate soldiers in the West showed a contempt for their commanding general, Braxton Bragg. They also had problems with lice. As a reflection of their opinion of the little critters and their commander, they called the lice "General Bragg's Bodyguard."
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Endangered Battlefields

The Civil War Preservation Trust (CWPT) issued its report on endangered battlefields. It named the Wilderness but also discussed the casino at Gettysburg and a site in Arizona.

Places like Gettysburg and the site in Arizona will only be preserved if the public is involved. Well-known outsiders can sign all the petitions they want. The people who live in the Gettysburg area and the place in Arizona must write to their legislators. For that to happen, organizations like the CWPT must do a public relations campaign in these areas. If the local politicians see that a casino or budget cuts will affect their reelection, they will suddenly become Civil War preservationists. Other efforts will help but eventually prove to be ineffective. Monetary needs will always trump history unless public opinion dictates otherwise.

Let's see if we can mobilize some people power.
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More Civil War Vocabulary

Like all wars, the Civil War had its skulkers. The soldiers called these men wagon dogs. They received this name because they hid behind wagon trains during times of battle where they could liberate their comrades' military supplies.

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor, edited by James Myers
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The Time-Honored Game

Even during the Civil War, the politicians played their games. Today in 1863, Salmon Chase offered his resignation from the Treasury Department and President Lincoln rejected it. Hoping to keep his rival in the Cabinet where he could watch him, Lincoln kept Chase in his post.

Politicians have been playing this game for centuries. Otto von Bismarck often tendered his resignation during his reign as Chancellor of Germany. In 1996, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (nicknamed "Bibi") allowed his chief rival Ariel Sharon to serve in his cabinet as National Infrastructures Minister. He figured Sharon would be less dangerous on the inside. When Sharon became Prime Minister in 2001, he returned the favor by making Bibi his Finance Minister. What did they say in the second Godfather movie about your friends and your enemies? Well, you know.

The names and the accents change, but the games remain the same.
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Civil War Vocabulary

The Civil War soldiers gave a creative name for a demotion. They called it the Irish promotion.
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Civil War Vocabulary

The toughest of woods in America is white oak. The soldiers on both sides ate a breaded wafer called hardtack. The troops called this snack "white oak chips."
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Git!

A Southern cavalry officer ordered his men to mount their horses. He commanded,"Prepare fer to git on them critters."

For his second command, he told them,"Git!"

Source: A Treasury of Military Humor, James Myers
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Desertion

The Civil War soldiers had a special expression for troops who fled their units in the middle of the night. They said,"The owls caught him."
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