Monday, February 8, 2010

A Modest Proposal

In the spirit of Jonathan Swift, I have a modest proposal for the North Carolina Board of Education. In case you haven't heard, the Board is proposing a change to the teaching of history in the state. Under the rationale that events before that year are too distant for students to remember, the Board has proposed that American history be taught from 1877 onward.

Since certain key events occurred before that year, I propose that those events be redated. I think the Declaration of Independence should be recalibrated to 1876. I think the kids wouldn't mind one extra year of rememberance. As for the Civil War, we could move that period from 1861 to 1961. Yes, the surrender at Appomattox occurred in 1965. The troops must have been singing "Satisfaction" and "Hard Day's Night" as they went into battle. We could lop a hundred years off our country's existence, but a little liposuction never hurt anyone.

I hope the North Carolina Board of Education will adopt my suggestion. I hope and pray that the kids' brains will remain free and uncluttered.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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